{"id":2463,"date":"2026-09-14T11:30:22","date_gmt":"2026-09-14T16:30:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/assistinghands.com\/148\/?p=2463"},"modified":"2026-09-16T14:46:04","modified_gmt":"2026-09-16T19:46:04","slug":"caregiving-tip-of-the-week-9-14-26","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/assistinghands.com\/148\/illinois\/melrosepark\/blog\/caregiving-tip-of-the-week-9-14-26\/","title":{"rendered":"Caregiving Tip of the Week: The Conversation You&#8217;ve Been Avoiding"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">This weekly Caregiving Tip is for you, <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">to help you express your love for another human being.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>We are all caregivers.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">If you are a client, a <a href=\"https:\/\/assistinghands.com\/148\/illinois\/melrosepark\/about\/our-caregivers\/\">caregiver<\/a>, a caregiving spouse or family member, a medical provider, or anyone in the business of caring, we are your source for useful caregiving tips that bring connection to your caring work.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2>What:<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">There is one talk many of us put off.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">We mean to have it. We don&#8217;t.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">A sister waited until her brother had a serious infection<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">The infection put him in the hospital.\u00a0 It also broke the chance to talk openly.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">In the hospital \u2014 with tubes, beeping machines, and rushing nurses \u2014 her brother could not answer the big questions.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Who do you want to make choices for you?\u00a0 What interventions do you want? How much do you want us to fight?\u00a0 What matters most to you now?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Her brother looked scared. The sister looked sorry.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">They had run out of time to plan. They had not run out of love. They had run out of time.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2>So What:<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">There is a name for this kind of waiting. It is called the 40-70 Rule.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">The idea is simple: when your parents are around 70 and you are around 40, start the talk. Not the whole talk. Just the beginning.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Before the fall. Before the stroke. Before the <a href=\"https:\/\/assistinghands.com\/148\/illinois\/westchester\/services\/alzheimers-and-dementia-care\/\">diagnosis<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">We don&#8217;t avoid these talks because we don&#8217;t love our parents. We avoid them because we love them. We don&#8217;t want to scare them. We don&#8217;t want them to feel less.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">But love that hides from the truth is not love yet. It is only kindness.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">The trial lawyer Jefferson Fisher says it well: <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">there is kindness in being direct.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Honesty is what love sounds like when it is brave.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<h2>Now What: Try this\u2026<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">This week, start the talk. Don&#8217;t try to finish it. Just begin.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Try this opener:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u201cI&#8217;ve been thinking about the future. I want to know what matters most to you.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">That is the whole sentence. Then stop. Listen.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">You are not asking them to plan today. You are saying: I want to know you, and I want to be ready when the time comes.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">You may not get answers in one sitting. That is fine. The first talk just opens the door. The second one walks through it.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><b>FOR MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u00a0 <a href=\"https:\/\/www.caregiver.org\/resource\/caregiver-statistics-demographics\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">The Family Caregiver Alliance<\/a> reports more than 53 million Americans now give unpaid care to a loved one. Most stepped into the role after a crisis \u2014 because the conversation never happened. When you discuss <a href=\"https:\/\/assistinghands.com\/148\/illinois\/westchester\/services\/transitional-care\/\">discharge planning<\/a>, the 40-70 Rule gives families a gentle door to begin one.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h2>Weekly Moment of Beauty:<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">My daughter spoke unkindly, in anger, as we were leaving for school in the morning. My husband turned to her and asked, &#8220;Is this how we part from another? Tomorrow is not promised to us. Do you want those to be the last words we say to one another? Try again.\u201d And she did.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">There is a grace in reminding each other to speak with kindness. We don\u2019t know what tomorrow brings.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">With gratitude,<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Thomaie Hilaris,<\/b><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Assisting Hands Home Care<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><b>P.S. \u2014 <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Every care plan starts with a conversation. <a href=\"https:\/\/assistinghands.com\/148\/illinois\/melrosepark\/contact-us\/\">Reach out this week<\/a> and let&#8217;s talk about what peace of mind could look like for your family.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This weekly Caregiving Tip is for you, to help you express your love for another human being. We are all caregivers. If you are a client, a caregiver, a caregiving spouse or family member, a medical provider, or anyone in the business of caring, we are your source for useful caregiving tips that bring connection to your caring work. What:&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":82,"featured_media":2464,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[19],"tags":[29],"class_list":["post-2463","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-caregiving-tip-of-the-week","tag-caregiving-tips"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Weekly Caregiving Tip: The Conversation You&#039;ve Been Avoiding<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Learn why the 40-70 Rule can help families start important conversations about aging, caregiving, future care, and their loved one\u2019s wishes.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/assistinghands.com\/148\/illinois\/melrosepark\/blog\/caregiving-tip-of-the-week-9-14-26\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Weekly Caregiving Tip: The Conversation You&#039;ve Been Avoiding\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Learn why the 40-70 Rule can help families start important conversations about aging, caregiving, future care, and their loved one\u2019s wishes.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/assistinghands.com\/148\/illinois\/melrosepark\/blog\/caregiving-tip-of-the-week-9-14-26\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Assisting Hands - 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