{"id":2479,"date":"2026-10-19T08:00:14","date_gmt":"2026-10-19T13:00:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/assistinghands.com\/148\/?p=2479"},"modified":"2026-09-14T11:18:04","modified_gmt":"2026-09-14T16:18:04","slug":"caregiving-tip-of-the-week-10-19-26","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/assistinghands.com\/148\/illinois\/melrosepark\/blog\/caregiving-tip-of-the-week-10-19-26\/","title":{"rendered":"Caregiving Tip of the Week: The Sibling Meeting"},"content":{"rendered":"

This weekly Caregiving Tip is for you, <\/span>to help you express your love for another human being.<\/span><\/p>\n

We are all caregivers.<\/b><\/p>\n

If you are a client, a caregiver<\/a>, a caregiving spouse or family member, a medical provider, or anyone in the business of caring, we are your source for useful caregiving tips that bring connection to your caring work.<\/span><\/p>\n

What:<\/h2>\n

Three adult siblings sat in a small conference room. Their mother had just been moved to rehab after a fall<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

The oldest sister was already doing most of the work. She was tired. She was angry.<\/span><\/p>\n

The brother lived two hours away. He felt guilty. He covered it by giving directions.<\/span><\/p>\n

The youngest sister felt left out. She talked over her older sister. The older sister stopped talking at all.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sound familiar?<\/span><\/p>\n

Then their mother’s social worker said one quiet thing. She said:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHow can we make this work for all three of you \u2014 and for your mother?\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Something changed in the room. Each of them took a breath. They started telling the truth.<\/span><\/p>\n

So What:<\/h2>\n

In sibling talks, the argument is rarely the argument.<\/span><\/p>\n

Chris Voss calls this \u201cthe knot under the rope.\u201d Jefferson Fisher calls it \u201cfinding the struggle (also the knot).\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The argument may sound like: who pays for the aide. Whose house mom should live in. Who comes for holidays.<\/span><\/p>\n

But underneath, the real questions are older. Did mom love me as much as you? Did I do enough as a kid? Am I being seen now?<\/span><\/p>\n

Voss teaches a tool he calls the calibrated question. It uses the words \u201chow\u201d or \u201cwhat.\u201d It cannot be answered with yes or no. It opens the door.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHow do we make this work for everyone?\u201d\u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span><\/i>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat does each of us need from this meeting?\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat would mom want?\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

These questions cannot be won. They can only be answered together.<\/span><\/p>\n

In family, the truth is rarely the disagreement. The truth lives underneath it.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Now What:\u00a0 Try this\u2026<\/h2>\n

If you have a sibling meeting coming up, try this:<\/span><\/p>\n