{"id":2526,"date":"2026-10-08T08:57:25","date_gmt":"2026-10-08T13:57:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/assistinghands.com\/148\/?p=2526"},"modified":"2026-10-08T08:57:25","modified_gmt":"2026-10-08T13:57:25","slug":"40-70-rule-event-recap","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/assistinghands.com\/148\/illinois\/melrosepark\/blog\/40-70-rule-event-recap\/","title":{"rendered":"Community Event Recap: How to Talk to Parents About Care – The 40\/70 Rule"},"content":{"rendered":"

On Saturday, September 19, Thomaie Hilaris, owner of Assisting Hands Home Care of Melrose Park, closed out the Difficult Conversations<\/em> speaker series at Belmont Village Senior Living Oak Park<\/a>. Her session, “How to Talk to Parents About Care: The 40\/70 Rule,” gave Oak Park and West Suburban families a practical way to start one of the hardest talks in caregiving.<\/p>\n

Thomaie opened with a personal story about her Yiayia and the family moment that led her into home care. Her message: we all become caregivers, sooner or later.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Download the Full 40\/70 Rule Presentation HERE<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

What Is the 40\/70 Rule?<\/h2>\n

When your parents are around 70, and you are around 40, it is time to start the conversation about care. Don’t finish it, start it. Before the fall. Before the diagnosis. Families who talk early plan calmly. Families who wait plan in crisis.<\/p>\n

A good first sentence: “I’ve been thinking about the future. I want to know what matters most to you.”<\/em><\/p>\n

Four Conversations Families Are Having Right Now<\/h2>\n

Thomaie walked attendees through four real scenarios, each with an opener they could use right away:<\/p>\n

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  1. Starting the conversation:<\/strong> “I noticed ___. How are you feeling about things at home?”<\/li>\n
  2. The driving conversation:<\/strong> “What would you miss most if you couldn’t drive? Help me understand.” The keys are rarely the real issue. Independence and identity usually are.<\/li>\n
  3. When they say “I’m fine”:<\/strong> “It sounds like this feels like giving something up.” Name the feeling before arguing the facts.<\/li>\n
  4. Getting family on the same page:<\/strong> “How do we make this work for all of us?” Questions that start with “how” or “what” can only be answered together.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    The Structure Behind Every Hard Talk<\/h2>\n