Although serving as a family caregiver can be highly gratifying, there may be days when you feel helpless while watching your loved one’s condition grow worse. If you are experiencing feelings of helplessness right now, take heart knowing you’re not alone because countless other caregivers are probably going through the same thing – including ones in your own family. Thankfully, confronting any pent-up feelings of helplessness you might have and navigating through them in a healthy, productive way is possible by taking these steps.
Caregivers Often Experience these Negative Emotions
In addition to the physical demands of providing care, for instance, bathing, feeding, or helping a loved one get around, caregivers often deal with negative emotional reactions that include:
- Guilt
- Frustration
- Anger
- Denial
- Worry
- Regret
- Sadness
- Helplessness
If allowed to persist, negative feelings can cause or exacerbate caregiver stress – a common condition that may threaten the quality of life of both caregiver and care recipient.
How Feeling Helpless Affects Caregiver Health
With respect to helplessness, that emotion can surface any time the caregiver witnesses the care recipient – for instance, their elderly mother – in physical and/or psychological pain. Once the caregiver starts to feel helpless, their mental health can suffer, resulting in depression, anxiety, moodiness, and changes in their physical health.
In many caregiving situations – most notably those involving a terminally ill loved one – the care recipient’s pain intensity is the strongest predictor of caregiver depression.
Coping Skills for Stressed Caregivers
Whether it’s helplessness or something else, here are some positive ways for you as a caregiver to diffuse negative emotions:
Confront your feelings
Ignoring bad feelings that include helplessness won’t make them go away. Conversely, they can get worse and eventually threaten your health and well-being. Take a few minutes to confront your feelings while doing an honest personal assessment of why they’re there. Once you identify the root cause of those emotions, you can start diffusing them. Because you’re only human, it’s also essential to not feel guilty about how you feel.
Accept your limitations
No matter how hard you try – and helpless you feel – your loved one’s condition is probably going to get worse. Accept that reality and focus instead on how to make them feel as comfortable and loved as possible. Celebrate small victories along the care journey, for instance, when Dad smiles because you took him fishing or on a long walk at the park.
Utilize positive outlets
Rather than keeping negative feelings like helplessness bottled up inside, find positive ways to release them.
Here are some ways to decompress:
- Discuss your feelings with a spouse, partner, or close friend.
- Exercise regularly.
- Speak to a faith leader or licensed counselor.
- Join a local caregiver support group or online caregiving forum.
- Keep a caregiving journal.
- Do something that takes a lot of physical effort and concentration, such as cleaning out the garage or attic.
Take time off
Another way to overcome negative emotions and stay refreshed is by asking a trustworthy family member or friend to step in for a while so you can take a break, or “respite.” If no volunteers are available, consider hiring a professional respite caregiver from a reputable home care provider. While doing so, be honest with your loved one about why you’re taking a break, and let them know that you’ll be back soon to take care of them!
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