Manipulative parents can be emotionally exhausting to deal with. After all, they’d been in control all their lives. When the tables are turned and the controlling parents need care, it’s essential for the adult children to set boundaries in the relationship. Here are ways to cope with manipulative elderly parents.
Older adults who exhibit manipulative behavior patterns may have been this way their entire lives. Only once family members have matured do they realize the extent of their controlling nature. Other seniors may become manipulative due to new mental or physical health conditions or other reasons.
When aging parents scheme and manipulate, it’s possible that they are engaging in their calculating behaviors intentionally. On the other hand, some aging parents are completely unaware that they are being manipulative and of the reasons behind their need to control.
What are examples of manipulative behavior?
1. Controlling
Manipulative actions fall into a broad spectrum. For example, a manipulative parent may exert excessive control, insisting things should be done in a specific way. Big decisions, per the seniors, should be made based on their opinions. Attempting to wield power over the adult child is highly manipulative.
2. Feigning Illness
A manipulative yet healthy parent who doesn’t get their way resorts to feigning sickness or expresses feeling unsafe. By putting on a show of vulnerability, the elderly parent is in a position to sway the concerned adult child, who then meets their demands. Suddenly, the senior is well again.
3. Throwing Guilt Trips
Age is used advantageously by manipulative seniors to get what they want. If the elderly parent doesn’t wish their adult child to participate in a social event, for instance, they suddenly complain of loneliness or how they miss family visits—until the adult child cancels their plans.
4. Criticizing
Harsh criticism may come in the form of seemingly well-intentioned advice. After all, the parent has doled out advice to their child for years. But when unasked-for advice is given in a highly critical way, it is designed to show their superior wisdom and maintain dominance in the relationship.
How should adult children respond to manipulative parents?
1. Set Boundaries
When adult children must deal with their aging parents’ scheming behaviors, it’s critical that they establish and maintain boundaries. Adult children must communicate their limits and make it clear that crossing boundaries will not be tolerated—because devious parents will try to cross the lines.
Boundaries should include financial and emotional ones. Setting firm boundaries is useful when the aging parents spends wastefully, thinking the adult child will bail them out. Or, boundaries come in handy when a capable senior expects the family member to do everything for them.
The key to establishing healthy boundaries is to differentiate what the senior needs from what they simply want. Harsh lines are necessary when the parent has always been manipulative. But if the behavior is new, it may be due to a present circumstance or health condition.
2. Rely on Social Support
Getting through a day when the senior has been manipulative is best done with the help of a friend, spouse, or sympathetic sibling. Discuss the parents’ power struggles or verbal abuse to develop a game plan. Confiding in friends or loved ones gives them an opportunity to provide emotional support.
3. Give the Senior Power
Family caregivers often make decisions for aging parents; while well-intentioned, it can cause the senior to enter into a power struggle. Rather than tell the aging parent when to bathe or eat, give them a greater sense of personal power. Involving them in decision-making is a more effective approach.
4. Reduce Interactions
Adult children dealing with manipulative parents may need to take a breather. By stepping back and offering less support, the family caregiver avoids the parental abuse and preserves their mental health. Be aware that ongoing controlling behavior, even if unintentional, is a form of emotional abuse.
5. Explore Alternate Care Options
The adult child must reassess their caregiving role. If efficient care cannot be provided long-term due to the parent’s manipulative behavior, then consider alternate forms of care. Home care agencies or assisted living may be more appropriate solutions when an aging parent behaves deviously.
6. Practice Self-Care
Whether the senior parent gossips behind the family caregiver’s back or goes to great lengths to show how upset they are in order to get what they want, the adult child must prioritize their own health. Failing to practice self-care does not allow them to be an effective caregiver.
Rather than feel guilty about providing self-care, adult children are advised to see it as essential to preserve their own mental and physical health. While the manipulative parent will suggest self-care is selfish, the reality is that it is necessary—the adult child’s needs are equally important.
When your aging parent resorts to schemes and manipulations and becomes increasingly challenging to handle, reliable in-home care from Assisting Hands Home Care is an alternate care option. Our professional caregivers are experts in delivering comprehensive, non-medical care to the elderly.
We support seniors with the activities of daily living in the comfort of home. In-home care gives them a chance to age in place, remain near loved ones, and stay in their community. Caregivers are tasked with a variety of care duties that fulfill the senior’s physical and emotional needs.
Included in our home care are help with personal hygiene tasks, light housekeeping, medication reminders, and transportation to local destinations, like the medical clinic, senior center, or pharmacy. We prepare healthy meals, provide mobility support, and perform fall-risk assessments to help keep them safe at home.
The senior in your life may respond better to a professional caregiver from Assisting Hands Home Care, serving Las Vegas, Nevada. Our licensed, bonded, and insured professionals give families and seniors peace of mind. Schedule a free in-home consult today and learn how quality elder care can be helpful.
Schedule a free in-home consult today at (725) 696-9942 and learn how senior care can elevate their quality of life.
