This weekly Caregiving Tip is for you, to help you express your love for another human being.

We are all caregivers.

If you are a client, a caregiver, a caregiving spouse or family member, a medical provider, or anyone in the business of caring, we are your source for useful caregiving tips that bring connection to your caring work.

What:

A wife had been caring for her husband for three years. Parkinson’s. Then a small stroke. Then more falls.

Her friends asked how she was. She said, “I’m fine.”

Her sister asked if she needed help. She said, “Oh, we’re managing.”

Her doctor asked how she was sleeping. She said, “Pretty well.”

She was not fine. She was not managing. She was not sleeping.

One Tuesday, her sister called again. This time, the wife took a breath. She said two true sentences:

“I am not okay. I need help.”

Her sister was at her door by Friday.

So What:

Caregivers are some of the most generous people on earth. We give and give. We are afraid that asking for help will make us look weak. Or like we are failing the person we love.

The opposite is true.

Vanessa Van Edwards, the behavioral researcher who wrote Cues, teaches that the most respected leaders are the ones who balance warmth and competence. Warm enough to say I care. Strong enough to say what is really happening.

“I need help” is both. It is warm because it trusts the other person. It is strong because it tells the truth.

To ask for help is to give someone the gift of being needed.

Now What:  Try this…

This week, practice two sentences. Out loud. In the mirror if you have to.

• Sentence one:  “Here is what is actually happening.”
• Sentence two:  “Here is what would help me most.”

Then say them, this week, to one person. Not all the people. Just one.

A sister. A friend. A neighbor. A nurse. Your doctor. Us.

You do not have to fix everything in one ask. You only have to say the true sentence.

FOR MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS:  The American Medical Association publishes the Caregiver Self-Assessment Questionnaire, a free 18-item tool that helps family caregivers see when they are slipping into burnout. The AARP and National Alliance for Caregiving’s Caregiving in the U.S. report finds that more than 60 percent of family caregivers also work outside the home, and almost a quarter rate their own health as fair or poor. When you ask the family caregiver how they are — and you give them a moment of real silence — you may hear the truth.

Weekly Moment of Beauty:

There is an old proverb.

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

Caregiving is not a sprint. You were never meant to go alone.

And when you let someone help you carry it, you bless them too. You give them the chance to love you back.

 

With gratitude,

Thomaie Hilaris

Assisting Hands Home Care

P.S. — Every care plan starts with a conversation. Reach out this week and let’s talk about what peace of mind could look like for your family.