A conversation most adult children don’t look forward to having with their aging parent is about the parent’s future lifestyle options. This is especially true when it involves possible changes in lifestyle and the potential need for long term care – either institutional or home care.

As health issues arise, or simply with the effects of the normal process of aging on mind and body, most adult children come to terms with the fact that they will need to have a conversation with their parents about the difficult topic of the need for a change of lifestyle and long-term senior care.

Opening up conversation about what may seem to be an uncomfortable topic may actually allow an opportunity for the parent and child to grow even closer together, and can lead to better decisions and quality of life for everyone down the road.

Here are some tips to make talking to your parents about long-term care easier.

1. Start the conversation early

There are many reasons to avoid putting off this conversation. An earlier conversation will give parents an opportunity to clearly articulate their priorities, wishes and needs. As parents age, their mental, emotional, and physical conditions evolve. Having conversations before severe impacts occur is beneficial. It allows for clearer conclusions and reduces fear. Initiating discussions early fosters a sense of readiness. This approach eases concerns and ensures thoughtful planning.

Beginning the conversation early can also open up a dialogue. The type of relationship a child has had with their parents will impact the type of conversations they have. If a relationship is strained, it’s crucial to address the future through conversation. This demonstrates care and interest in the parent’s long-term care wishes. Even if it seems distant, initiating this discussion fosters understanding and connection.

Early conversation offers a chance to repair relationship strains. It allows parents to express love and appreciation before dementia progresses. This can be especially meaningful for children facing parental mental decline.  Such conversations provide a platform for healing and connection. They offer an opportunity for parents to convey gratitude and love before dementia advances further.

Having the conversation earlier helps access crucial information for future decisions. Parents often make significant plans. Learning about these plans can ease a child’s mind. It’s reassuring to know who has helped with legal, financial, and medical documents. In case of sudden communication loss, this knowledge is invaluable. It ensures the right contacts are notified promptly.

Understanding a parent’s long-term medical care wishes is crucial. Additionally, knowing their preferences for medical interventions during serious illness is important. If no plans are in place, initiating the topic sooner is beneficial for everyone involved.  It can be stressful to make these decisions yourself without first having a conversation with your loved one.

2. Open up a dialogue

Some find it easier to initiate dialogue within regular conversations with parents. Others may prefer a more formal setting.  In either case, the goal is open communication. It’s important to choose an approach that feels comfortable and natural for all involved.

Regardless of the environment for beginning the conversation, the child should be gentle and honest with their parents about their wishes for them and about options now and down the road. Perhaps more importantly, the child should make sure the parent has an opportunity to express their wishes and desires and listen attentively to what they share.

A dialogue should:

• Provide the child/children the opportunity to share their own feelings and reassure their parent that they will support him or her and help them solve any problems.
• Permit the parent to express their hopes, fears, and desires for the future, and the child/children to listen attentively, even if they are concerned that their parent’s expectations and desires may be unrealistic. Acknowledging the parent’s desires is important even if they cannot be fulfilled.
• Give the parent as much control as possible as long as possible in making his or her own decisions. Once the parent is no longer able to make their decisions on their own, the child should try to honor their wishes as closely as possible.
• Take small steps toward change. It is best to have initiated dialogue long before a major change like moving to an institution is necessary. Small incremental steps allow the parent – and the child – to adjust.
• All relevant parties should be included. Preliminary conversation may include just the child and parent affected, but all parties that will help provide the senior care should be involved in more in depth conversations. This includes not only other siblings that may help provide home care, but also the parent’s spouse or partner as well as any others that may help provide such care.
• Respect the child’s own limitations and needs. Adult children should be honest with their parents about their own time, energy and financial limitations.

It may be wise to take notes, record the conversation or write-up the most important conclusions of each conversation so that years later this information will be available in the event that the child’s memories fade, or there is a disagreement among family members about the person’s wishes.

3. After the first conversation

After finding out where everyone stands, many follow-up conversations are likely to be necessary. Research may be necessary to find out specifics related to:

• Long-term care insurance
• Life Insurance
• Veterans benefits
• In-home care
• Community resources and program
• What expenses are covered by Medicare and other insurance
• Other legal, financial, and medical matters.

Outside experts may need to be consulted to assist with the conversation. Friends or family who have gone through similar experiences may serve as resources.

If attempts to initiate dialogue fail or end in frustration, anger or are overwhelming, it may be useful to seek professional help. A professional counselor may be able to help identify stumbling blocks to communication and be useful in providing support through the transition. Although decisions about senior care can be difficult, if conversations begin early and constantly return to a place of love and openness, they can be some of the best decisions ever made with positive results for all involved.

Get a Free Consultation for Senior Care

When your parent is ready to accept senior care, Assisting Hands Home Care has compassionate, professional caregivers to provide assistance. They will not only provide care but will form a bond with your parent to combat any feelings of loneliness or depression.

Give us a call at (239) 337-4263 for a free consultation regarding our senior care services.