Are Your Ducks in a Row? Benefits of Preplanning Your Last Wishes

EDITOR’S NOTE: This content has been provided to Assisting Hands Home Care by Brunswick Memorial Home in East Brunswick

By Michael Kulbacki, manager of Brunswick Memorial Home, N.J. Lic. No. 4870      

When discussing what their care wishes are, it might be a good time to bring up what their final wishes. It is an awful discussion that most of us avoid like the plague, but it is essential and having it sooner rather than later makes it so much easier, especially when the time comes.

Pre-planning last wishes helps those left behind because they know exactly what is wanted and how to handle things. It reduces the stress, anxiety and arguments when it’s all been decided prior to passing.

Another benefit is locating all the important documents, such as a will or cemetery deed, ahead of time and knowing where they are so a frantic search doesn’t take place the moment they are needed.

Preplanning or a pre-arrangement takes place before the need arises, often years before death occurs. This will include arranging the type of service, religious preference, cemetery/crematory information, headstone and more, depending on the wishes and beliefs of the individual.

It is also an opportunity to personalize a funeral service, especially if someone is particular about certain traditions, music or participation, rather than a family member, friend or religious officiant choosing the readings and music.

Common Types of Services

• Traditional Service – The ceremony includes the body and casket being present, and a viewing if the family wishes. Often, the service involves customized personal elements like the reading of literary or religious passages and/or a eulogy.
• Memorial Service – A memorial service often involves cremation and assumes the body and casket are not present although an urn may be. Some families may choose to hold a viewing before the cremation. The service itself is conducted similarly to a traditional service with personal elements like the reading of literary or religious passages and/or a eulogy.
• Immediate Disposition – Immediate disposition is when the deceased is either buried or cremated as soon as possible following the death. It usually forgoes any of the ceremonial elements of a traditional funeral or memorial service.
• Celebration of Life Ceremony – A life celebration is often held in a non-traditional space, such as a restaurant, either as part of a funeral service or done after a burial or cremation. The purpose is to bring people together to celebrate the life of the deceased.

Why Should I Pre-Arrange?

A major concern for those making funeral or memorial service arrangements involves making decisions. At the time of death, these are often decisions only the family can make. However, it is possible and increasingly common for a funeral, memorial service or life celebration to be planned in advance to reduce stress at the time of death. People make plans in advance for many reasons:

• They have definite ideas about the type of service or merchandise they want at their funeral
• They want to save their family the pain of having to make funeral decisions at a difficult and confusing time
• They want their family to understand their wishes
• They want to alleviate any financial burden paying for a funeral can cause their family
• They want to offer their family the ability to grieve with the least amount of stress

Veteran Benefits Available

Military members on active duty, Military retirees, members and former members of the Selected Reserve, eligible U.S. veterans of any war, other U.S. veterans who served at least one term of enlistment and separated under conditions other than dishonorable are eligible. Those benefits include:

• Inscribed cemetery marker
• S. flag
• Gun salute
• Transportation costs (some or all of the cost) if the veteran dies while under the care of the V.A.
• Interment in a national or state veterans cemetery

Questions To Ask

Below are a few suggested questions to ask during your pre-arrangement planning session.

• How can I personalize a funeral service?
• After I decide on my preneed arrangements, what should I do?
• Can my arrangements be changed before or after my death?
• Does preplanning require pre-payment?
• Should I pay for my pre-arrangement choices ahead of time?
• What are some common ways to honor a loved one?
• What funeral keepsakes and/or mementos are available to commemorate a loved one?