Money tends to be a sensitive topic that most people avoid discussing, including those aged 65+. Politely discussing finances with an elderly parent is never easy. But when it comes to adult children and aging parents, it’s a conversation that needs to happen. Failing to talk about legal and financial matters with Mom or Dad could put you in a difficult position should you ever have to manage their money or take over those decisions entirely. What follows are several ways to have “the money talk” with an elderly parent without being confrontational.
How to Prepare for Your Discussion
Your motivation for asking questions about Mom or Dad’s financial situation and estate planning goals should be based on genuine concern and curiosity. Bringing up these topics requires some tact, so you don’t come across as being disrespectful, greedy, manipulative, or nosy.
A poorly worded or ill-timed conversation might cause your parent to tune out, putting a damper on future discussions. To give you both peace of mind, financial talks with your aging parent should be honest, ongoing, and informative.
How to Discuss Money and Aging with a Parent
Once you’ve laid the discussion groundwork, here’s how to get started:
Share your financial goals
Adult children typically like to discuss household financial matters with their parents and seek advice. Since legal and financial plans are essential for your future, feel free to mention those goals during regular conversations about your family and what you’ve been doing.
For instance, share that you’ve been working with a financial advisor who is asking you about your estate plan and retirement goals. During the conversation, mention that this process has reminded you to ask if Mom or Dad is also working with a financial expert.
Bring up current events
Your parent may be spending more time watching the news or financial television channels since they’ve slowed down or retired. News stories and ticker updates about the economy, politics, and health care can be real conversation starters.
Try striking up a discussion about related current events and then respectfully turn the topic so that it coincides with Mom or Dad’s situation. In the end, a “bigger picture” current events approach can be gradually eased toward other financial or legal topics, including those impacting your parent’s retirement nest egg.
Let them take control
Like many seniors, your parent is probably anxious about someday outliving their savings or losing their independence. Discussing those possibilities makes them seem real and even scary. Talk to Mom or Dad about how you want to ensure they can continue along the financial course they have created for themselves.
Politely tell them you want their wishes to be honored in life and death by first having a clear understanding of what those wishes are. Showing them that you are committed to safeguarding their future as they envision it should be reassuring.
Ask them to educate others
Invite Mom or Dad to pass along their financial wisdom to younger members of the community, including any lessons they’ve learned and decisions (good or bad) they’ve made over the years.
While this approach is relatively safe because it isn’t directly focused on their current financial situation, it does allow you to gauge your parent’s comfort level and experience before delving into more sensitive details about their finances.
Avoid certain topics altogether
It’s vital to remember that your parent’s money is theirs to spend how they please and that they will probably need most – if not all – their income and assets to fund elder care (home care, assisted living, etc.) as they get older. Be respectful of Mom or Dad’s privacy and independence by keeping your questions and comments appropriate and avoiding topics that could upset them.
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