As an adult child, you probably already know how stubborn your elderly parent can be. In addition to their finances, one of the fastest ways to get an elderly parent to walk away is by bringing up the topic of home care. But if it seems like your aging-in-place Mom or Dad might benefit from a “personal assistant,” having “the talk” with them can be a real difference-maker when it comes to their quality of life – notably if you’re too busy or live far away. What follows are some tips for getting even the most stubborn senior “on board” when it’s time for home care.
Why Older Adults Turn Down Home Care
Since the average senior has spent a lifetime running a household and working at various jobs, they don’t like to be told how to manage their affairs — especially by their adult children or grandchildren.
Whether it’s from an informal caregiver or a paid professional, older adults often turn down home care for reasons like:
- Denial
- Privacy concerns
- Embarrassment
- Pride
- Apathy
Confusion and memory loss caused by dementia or Alzheimer’s can further cloud a senior’s judgment. Once cognitive changes occur, convincing a parent to accept care can be even more difficult.
How to Get Your Aging Parent “on Board”
Every senior deserves the right to age in place with privacy, dignity, and respect. Once you start noticing that Mom or Dad is having trouble performing activities of daily living (ADLs), here’s how to gently ease them into the idea of in-home care:
Voice your concerns
Look for telltale signs around your parent’s home, such as dirty dishes in the sink, stacks of unpaid bills, or piles of dirty laundry. Choose a non-threatening setting to meet with them and respectfully share your concerns. Politely ask if they are having trouble completing household chores like laundry, cooking, or cleaning. If so, offer to lend a hand.
Involve your siblings
If your initial conversation doesn’t go well, ask your siblings and other family members to chime in. Approach Mom or Dad as a unified group and tell them how much they mean to you and why you are all concerned about their health and wellbeing. Hearing the same message from multiple parties may be all it takes to change a stubborn parent’s mind.
Recruit trusted outsiders
If you are still having trouble convincing them, the next step is to involve some trusted outsiders like a doctor, faith leader, or close friend. A geriatric care manager can also do a complete health assessment and make recommendations to the group while your elderly parent is present.
Share “real life” examples
Share examples of retired friends or neighbors who benefited from having a “personal assistant” around the home. Point out family members who have used in-home care over the years and how it allowed them to continue living independently rather than going into a residential facility.
Point out the benefits
If Mom is lonely, mention how your presence could help cheer her up. If Dad’s having trouble getting around, discuss specific ways that you could lend assistance. Once you have a dialogue going, it’s easier to be blunt and honest with your loved one. While you have their attention, mention again the advantages of remaining at home versus moving into an assisted living retirement community.
Take it slow
Another good strategy is to slowly ease your loved one into the idea of receiving care for only a few hours per week. For example, volunteer to take Mom to her medical appointments or clean Dad’s house. After they’ve gotten used to having someone around — and reaped the benefits — you can usually convince even the most stubborn senior to accept help from their newfound “personal assistant!”
Your Family Trusted Senior Home Care Source in Bedford, MA, and Northwest Boston
Finding a trustworthy home care provider isn’t always easy. At Assisting Hands Home Care, our professional in-home senior care services allow clients in Bedford, MA, and the greater Northwestern Boston area to remain safely and comfortably in their own homes. Our trained, dependable caregivers and personal assistants can help your family overcome its eldercare challenges while making your loved one’s home an even better place to be.
Our turnkey home care services include everything from companionship, meal preparation, medication reminders, and transportation to light housekeeping, laundry, and personal care assistance with bathing and dressing. From a few hours a day to around-the-clock care, our customized in-home care solutions have got your family covered. Click here now to learn more about Assisting Hands Home Care or schedule a free consultation for a senior in Bedford, MA, and Northwest Boston.
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