Navigating conversations with someone who has dementia can be challenging, especially when you’re trying to offer support or maintain a sense of normalcy. While words are often meant to comfort or connect, certain phrases, though well-intentioned, can cause confusion, frustration, or even emotional distress. Understanding what not to say is just as important as knowing what to say.

In this blog, we’ll explore some common missteps in communication and explain why they can be harmful. More importantly, we’ll offer guidance on how to foster more compassionate and respectful interactions with those living with dementia.

Early Signs of Dementia

Recognizing the early signs of dementia is crucial for seeking timely medical support and preparing emotionally for the journey ahead. Dementia is more than just occasional forgetfulness; it’s a progressive condition that affects memory, thinking, behavior, and the ability to perform everyday activities.

While symptoms may vary from person to person, here are some of the most common early warning signs:

• Memory Loss That Disrupts Daily Life: Forgetting recently learned information, important dates, or events, and increasingly relying on reminders or others to handle routine tasks, can be one of the earliest indicators.
• Difficulty Planning or Problem-Solving: Trouble following familiar recipes, managing finances, or completing multi-step tasks can signal changes in cognitive ability.
• Confusion with Time or Place: Losing track of dates, seasons, or the passage of time, or becoming disoriented in familiar environments, can be a sign of dementia.
• Challenges in Conversation: Struggling to follow or join in conversations, repeating stories, or searching for words frequently may point to cognitive decline.
• Misplacing Items and Inability to Retrace Steps: Placing items in unusual places and being unable to retrace steps to find them, sometimes accusing others of stealing, can be a troubling sign.
• Withdrawal from Social Activities: A person may begin avoiding hobbies, social events, or work-related activities they once enjoyed, often due to embarrassment or confusion.
• Mood and Personality Changes: People with dementia may become more confused, suspicious, anxious, or easily upset, especially in unfamiliar situations.

It’s important to remember that these signs do not necessarily confirm dementia, but they do warrant a professional evaluation. Early diagnosis can open the door to treatments, support, and planning for the future.

Speaking to Someone with Dementia

When speaking to a person living with dementia, you should follow best practices to foster respect and understanding. Always approach conversations with a tone of respect while avoiding condescending language. Address them by their name rather than using patronizing terms like “sweetheart” or “honey.”

When a loved one is diagnosed with dementia, family members and caregivers can benefit from adopting these effective communication strategies for asking questions and engaging in meaningful conversations. Experienced caregivers know that these strategies are grounded in compassion and designed to support positive interactions.

1. Avoid Disagreements

A senior in the early stages of dementia is unlikely to have experienced cognitive decline before. Arguing with a person with dementia yields negative results. Firstly, the senior’s confusion escalates the situation, and fighting back against what appears to be untrue statements upsets the senior.

Outright disagreement should be replaced by changing the subject to something more pleasant. Rather than direct verbal aggression toward the senior with confrontations, such as, “You are wrong,” or similar phrases, redirect the conversation or validate their feelings.

2. Avoid Using Abstract Speech

Dementia gets worse over time, making it necessary to adjust normal communication. A senior with dementia will have difficulty understanding what a caregiver or family member is trying to say. Using slang or figures of speech only confuses them even more.

A family member might say, “It’s raining cats and dogs.” A dementia patient will show surprise and utter confusion, going so far as to look out the window to witness the preposterous event. The affected senior will take statements, like, “there’s no use crying over spilled milk,” literally.

Instead of using abstract phrases and slang terms, use direct language that the dementia patient is more likely to understand, such as, “The rain is coming down hard.”

3. Avoid Asking Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are difficult for a senior with dementia to answer. For example, a caregiver might ask the senior which dress she’d like to wear. The elderly individual is forced to try to recall the different dresses in her wardrobe in order to make a choice, which causes unnecessary distress.

Rather, ask questions that require a simple “yes” or “no” answer. Even better is to provide options. A caregiver might hold up one green dress and another yellow dress, then ask the senior to choose one to wear. Visual strategies are effective ways to communicate with a dementia patient and offering a couple of options prevents them from becoming overwhelmed.

4. Avoid Using Multiple Commands

A family member might combine several commands in one sentence: “Get dressed and have a bite to eat, so we can go shopping.” The senior with dementia is unable to process the various directions as quickly as she was once able. Long sentences only lead to confusion.

A more effective solution is to break down the instructions, so that one command is included in each short sentence. The caregiver might start with, “I’ll help you put on your green dress.” Follow the directive by saying, “Eat this snack.” Then complete the communications with, “Let’s go to the car to go shopping.”

5. Avoid Asking Senior to Remember

It is natural for family members to reminisce with elderly loved ones. Asking a dementia patient if she remembers a person or event is stressful. Forgetting is a primary symptom of dementia and asking seniors to recall information causes sad feelings because they realize they have lost their memory.

Rather than asking questions that force the senior to try to remember, make statements. For example, a family member might say, “I remember when we used to go to the carnival.” Statements like these gently lead loved ones down memory lane while causing less angst for the senior.

You should also avoid pointing out repetition as this can make the dementia patient feel ashamed or self-conscious. If they repeat a question, do not respond with something like, “I just told you that.” Instead, kindly answer the question as if they are asking for the first time.

6. Avoid Belittling the Senior

Seniors struggling with dementia are in tune with their feelings and they can become distraught if they feel like they are being belittled. Dementia patients commonly experience feelings of agitation, fear, or confusion and may act out as a result. When this happens, avoid using phrases such as “calm down” because this can make them feel more scared or confused. Instead, speak softly to help comfort them and let them know that they are safe.

You should also avoid saying things like, “You’re not making sense,” when they try to explain something to you. This can make them feel belittled and frustrated over the difficulty of effectively communicating with you. Listen to them patiently when they try to explain something to you and try to understand their emotion, even if their words do not make much sense.

Dementia Home Care from Assisting Hands Home Care

Communicating with someone who has dementia requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to adapt. While it may feel natural to correct or question, doing so can unintentionally cause distress or confusion. By avoiding certain phrases and embracing clearer, more compassionate communication strategies, you can help your loved one feel valued, respected, and safe. Every interaction is an opportunity to foster connection, even when words are failing. Remember: it’s not about having the perfect conversation, but about creating a sense of comfort, dignity, and understanding in every exchange.

Dementia caregivers at Assisting Hands Home Care are experts in communicating with seniors facing dementia. Our skilled caregivers are trained to recognize and gently manage a wide range of dementia-related behaviors, including agitation, incontinence, and wandering.

At Assisting Hands Home Care, our in-home care  is tailored to support dementia patients in the comfort and familiarity of their own homes. From timely medication reminders to preparing nutritious meals, our caregivers ensure the well-being of your loved ones. We also provide compassionate companionship to help alleviate social isolation and foster a sense of connection.

Our comprehensive Alzheimer’s and dementia care services meet the needs of families with senior loved ones living in Dallas, Coppell, Highland Park, Richardson, University Park, TX, and the surrounding areas in Dallas and Tarrant counties. Call us today at (214) 760-6944 to schedule your complimentary in-home consultation.